Moulin Rouge, the film equivalent of a giant shit.

There is not a lot that you can say about a person who watches MTV, they no longer have a grasp of music, as MTV has ceased to be a music station. The average viewer's attention span lasts about as long as a fly's and they no longer can appreciate a good film.

This is why Baz Luhrmann's film Moulin Rouge did so well with this audience. Baz, a known music video director decided to add to his list of accomplishments a musical film geared towards those who can't sit still long enough to enjoy a film.Moulin Rouge is what would happen if someone wanted to make a film for a crow, bright shiny objects flash across the screen at breakneck speeds and the colors are so vibrant you'd think the skittles rainbow vomited all over the place, I'll go more into what I think of Baz's directing in a little bit.

The plot for this film revolves around Christian (Ewan McGregor) a budding playwright who moves to Paris with the hopes of writing a wondrous play about love. Christian is so fascinated with the notion of love, you would think he is actually a fourteen year old girl drawing hearts on her school notebook. While in Paris he joins a theatre cast headed by Toulouse-Lautrec (John Leguizamo) who informs Christian that they are attempting to put on a play, but need funding. So where else to go but that infamous brothel/dance hall the Moulin Rouge.

Here the movie starts to get terrible. True it didn't start off all that great, but Ewan McGregor and John Leguizamo do lend to the film a certain comedic air that is enjoyable. Once the viewer enters the Moulin Rouge however, all of that is thrown in a wastebasket and lit on fire.

The Moulin Rouge is what would happen if a five year old ate a box of crayola crayons and vomited all over everyone. The colors are drastic, and too vibrant, you can tell that this film was geared towards those who get easily distracted ("Oooh look at the pretty colors!"). Once the music starts I began to cringe. We are given samples of famous songs, done in a dance beat remix as the stars of the film make their way across the stage in various dance numbers. Honestly after hearing two sampled songs I began to realize that this movie could have been better with original songs in it, and maybe a better director . . . more on that later. . .

Soon we see the Moulin Rouge's star performer Satine (Nicole Kidman) who descends from the ceiling in a shower of sparkles and begins an atrocious version of Diamonds are a girls best friend. We come to learn that a Duke (Richard Roxburgh) has his sights, and sex drive, set on Satine and his financing the Moulin Rouge depends on his night with Satine.Through some sneaky dealings Toulouse gets Christian the interview with Satine instead of the Duke and the two fall in love instantly. Ah, love, how sweet . . . when the actors have chemistry that is.

As the film progresses The Duke is tricked into financing the Moulin Rouge so that it changes from a brothel to a playhouse overnight. Soon enough the Duke catches on to the fact that he is being played by Satine and Christian and forces Satine to sever ties with Christian if she wants to be more than just a common whore. Of course, love prevails, and in an interesting final number the pair are reunited on stage and the Duke is thwarted at his own game. However, plot twist!, Satine's illness (I'm guessing it was Tuberculosis) comes forth and kills her as she lies in Christian's arms. So sad, love, she is a cruel mistress.The film ends with Christian writing the story of Satine and the Moulin Rouge, getting his emotions out on paper, and finally writing that great play about love.

Did that sound vague, Confusing, or move too fast? That was basically how watching Moulin Rouge was. The film moved at a pace only a hyperactive child could appreciate. Honestly when the camera wasn't whirling around, or the film speeding up, the directing was decent and you got to appreciate the visuals and backgrounds. Those moments were so few and far between however, that mostly it was all a blur of colors, music, and dancing.

To say that the directing was bad is only a half-truth. Baz Luhrmann is a good director, of music videos, his film effort is like watching a music video for almost two hours, nauseating and boring. Baz Luhrmann would be better suited to sticking to music videos and staying far, far away from film efforts. If you don't believe me, watch his other "famous" film Romeo & Juliet. I can say that Baz has a style all to his own, and he does it quite efficiently, however his reputation comes from those who enjoy MTV and fluff films with no depth.

The acting wasn't bad at all, everyone did a good job and that saved this film from complete disaster. Ewan McGregor is an excellent actor, and singer, and I enjoyed his presence on the screen. I didn't feel that he and Nicole Kidman had any chemistry, but she still did a fine job in her role as well.Really the acting was the best part of this film, everyone did incredibly well, and they looked to be very happy doing it.

The score bothered me mainly because it was all remixes of famous songs. I think that had this film gone with original content it could have been much, much better. The rehashing of music just makes it seem lazy, it was like being at a high school prom where the DJ hits the remix button nonstop.

In the end I did not like this film at all, perhaps if the directing wasn't so hectic, or geared towards ADHD patients, and the songs were original I would have liked it better. At the heart of the film is an interesting story, but the presentation is so bad that it's hard to even make it through to the end.

Grade: D